Exploration is Important for Countries
Peter
Exploration, this is quite a big word. It could make lots of things and it could change lots of things. It could make someone happy and it could angry someone. Exploration is making culture and it is also killing culture. It could be peaceful and it could be aggressive. It could be a good event and it could also be a event that is disappointing. Exploration is important for countries on finding new lands, mixing the world together and making people learn more.
Exploration is important for countries on finding new lands. Finding new lands could make people to learn something new, maybe learn the knowledge that even they haven't imagine. When an explorer has been on a new land, he would know what does the people here eat, what do they wear and how do they celebrate. He would also know the topography this land belongs to. He could also know what kinds of animals does this land has. Finding new lands could also make the explorer gets new resources maybe his country doesn't have. With getting new resources, they could have new kinds of trade and they could rule the new resources. The last advantage of finding new lands is the immigration. The people of the explorer's country could have new rooms to develop themselves. This is why wars stands I thought. Even they could rule this new land and make the people on this land work for them. Therefore, exploration is important for countries on finding new lands.
Exploration is important for countries because it could mixing the world together. Whenever in the past time or the modern time, we need to explorers to do explore. Nowadays, we could often heard about a couple of different country's married. This seems fashionable. I think this kind of married is good for our world. When they get kid, the kid is both belongs to the two countries. He loves both two countries. When he grow up, he could do good subjects for the both two countries. Another advantage to explore to mix the world together is the travels. People could travel to the new land their explorer found instead of sleeping or playing video games. Travels could also make the economy there grows up very quickly. People always buy gifts for their family and they always buy fruits and vegetables there that the travelers don't have them in there own country. Exploration is important for countries by mixing the world together because of it could make more understand. Whatever by travel, explore or other kinds of ways, people between 2 different countries could understand each other more. Understand more, peaceful more. Peaceful more, love more. This is the people's dream and it is also the whole world's dream. So,Exploration is important for countries because it could mixing the world together.
Exploration is important for countries because it could making people learn more. The first advantage is people could learn how to communicate. It doesn't mind in what kind of ways people go to another land, they would have a communication. Whatever in a peaceful way or in a bad way. The point is, they communicate! Communicate could make people's mind develops. Second, people could learn about the nature. The nature is really strong thing made by the God. It could help people and it could kill people if it really want. Different places have different nature. Explorer explore could make them learn more about the environment there. It is good for science. They could send information to the scientists. This is a way people developed. If people learn more about the nature, they could know how to get on well with it. Finally, People could learn more about themselves. People is a special thing in the world. People even don't know themselves well. By the explorer, he could hear something about the body we own have which kind of use that we didn't use before. If people learn more about themselves, they could make themselves feel well even there has no doctor. People could save lots of money by this. So exploration is important for countries because it could making people learn more.
From all about, exploration is important for countries because it could finding new lands, mixing the world together. and making people learn more. Explorers do really good jobs in there life. They are working for the people and they are working for the whole world. Maybe they looks like selfish and silly, but they really push the world's history. These days, people are still exploring. The moon, the Mars and even more. Explorers would never stop working because they are really necessary for the world, for you, and for me, for everyone.
Focus - 4/4
回复删除Your essay is definitely about the topic.
Very clear purpose.
Organization 3/4
Your ideas are quite effective. Try to make it more interesting to read. You know the basic structure of the essay, can you make it more engaging? Don't sound like a formula or a machine!
Where is your spacing for your essay?
Content 3/4
You develop each idea carefully. Try explaining the topic more. Your third body paragraph goes a bit off topic. Stay on topic. Every sentence is important so make sure each sentence is related.
Usage 3/4
Generally accurate use of spelling, grammar and sentence structure. Not perfect but it doesn't distract the reader too much.
- it could mix – not mixing
Style 2.5/4
- Can you use higher level vocabulary.
Instead of “big”, try using enormous
Instead of “good”, try using positive
- Be formal. Don’t use “kid”, use “child”
Don’t sound like a speech, sound like you are writing.
Peter,
When you do your homework, you do quite well in class!
Total Mark 15/20 x2 30/40